William Brawner: A Journey From Silence to Advocacy

HIV activist William Brawner

One in a series on the H& Health and Hip Hop Conference being sponsored by the Black AIDS Institute and the Maryland Department of Health and Mental Hygiene. The conference will be held Oct. 24, 2015, at Morgan State University in Baltimore. William Brawner is the keynote speaker.

For William Brawner, HIV has always been a not-so-happy fact of life. The 35-year-old, however, has turned his journey into a lesson of self-acceptance for those who are HIV positive, and a precautionary tale for those who are not.

Having acquired HIV at 18 months old from a blood transfusion, Brawner first learned that he had the virus at the age of 5. "I always knew it was a bad thing," he says, but it wasn't until he was an adolescent that the Philadelphian understood how much HIV would affect his day-to-day life. The medications he had to take caused horrible side effects, such as fevers, chills and night sweats, maybe two or three times a week. And he had no peer group to share his burdens with. In order to protect him from the cruelty of stigma, Brawner's family taught him to stay silent about his status.

"This was the '80s, so there was not a lot of education around this," Brawner recalls. He likens the stigma to what surrounded Ebola, except "Ebola went away, while AIDS stayed." Brawner hadn't yet hit high school on the memorable day in 1991 when Magic Johnson announced his HIV diagnosis. He remembers watching Johnson give up playing the sport he loved, as well as all the speculation and judgments people made about Johnson's lifestyle. "There was so much wrapped around Magic's diagnosis. It was just an example of how prevalent stigma was."

By the time Brawner started attending Howard University, he was used to guarding his secrecy and his status. He had relationships but didn't always disclose to his sexual partners. When he had shared his diagnosis with his high school sweetheart between high school and college, he was hurt when she didn't keep his secret, and he decided that he wouldn't take the chance of disclosing again. "I'm not saying it was right," he says. He even stopped taking his medication while at Howard for fear that someone would come into his room and discover that he had HIV. "If you tell yourself a lie long enough, you believe it," he recalls. "I had told myself I had beat AIDS. I totally disassociated from it."

A Turning Point

One of the side effects of keeping such a big secret from everyone is that it kept him from being vulnerable and connecting with others in different ways. After he graduated from Howard, loneliness led Brawner to positivesingles.com, a website geared toward single people living with HIV and other sexually transmitted diseases. "I used it as a way to meet people who were positive," he says. With them, he could be himself. As he experienced the freedom of sharing his truth, he slowly began to disclose to people in other parts of his life, too.

The reactions to his disclosure were mixed. "I'd say 70 percent were good," he says. "Thirty percent were awful. The responses that weren't so great really ripped me apart."

Although none of his sexual partners acquired HIV from him, Brawner understands why a former partner could feel betrayed. He also understands the fear of rejection that anyone living with HIV/AIDS experiences and why someone would choose not to disclose.

That insight has led Brawner to a life of advocacy. Not only does he seek to support those who are HIV positive on the path to disclosure, but he sends a message to those who do not have HIV: You can't depend on someone to tell you his or her status. If you want to protect yourself, practice safer sex and take charge of your health.

Now married and a father of three, Brawner uses his experiences to educate and inspire. "There's so much misinformation about HIV and AIDS," he says. "I try to be the role model that I wish that I had."

His story is featured in a feature-length documentary called 25 to Life. He is also the author of a book, Tragedy to Triumph, and founder of Philadelphia's Haven Youth Center, an organization for teens living with HIV/AIDS. On Oct. 24 he will be the featured speaker at H & Health and Hip Hop. The free, men-only event is where young men can discuss sex, sexuality and sexual health and develop "responsible sexual swag."

Just as Brawner makes no excuses for his past actions, he isn't looking for accolades for the work he does today. Instead, he feels rewarded whenever a young person struggling with HIV or any other condition makes a breakthrough and feels empowered enough to take ownership of his or her life.

"That's the kid who I advocate for," he says. "That's why I'm here."

Click here to register for the free H& Health and Hip Hop Conference.

Tamara E. Holmes is a Washington, D.C.-based journalist who writes about health, wealth and personal growth.