The Price of Freedom

Manyonge Jarrett Makokha, a.k.a., Jai...With the Funny Name, speaking at a gathering of the USCA's Social Media Fellows

I woke up horny, of course, and needing release. I'm single and unattached, so the world was my oyster and between apps, cruising and dating, I should have been able to obtain my release.

But on this day I awakened feeling more serious than usual. Sex, an activity central to my very existence, had started to grow lackluster. The luminescent connection I'd been accustomed to making with my bedfellow was becoming lackluster, as fears of sickness and infection increasingly invaded my thoughts.

HIV prevention drew barriers around my sex life that left me feeling boxed in. "Don't have too many sex partners," then, "don't be too 'risky' with the partners you have," then, "remember that the sex that is most natural to you is the riskiest." As thoughts like these took over my mind, my most natural of desires had begun going awry—until PrEP, that is.

Pre-exposure prophylaxsis (PrEP) was, for me, the answer to the situation. Taken daily, Truvada for PrEP is the biomedical approach to prevention. If taken correctly, it can be as effective as condoms in preventing HIV infection. But even further, PrEP has greatly liberated me in my bedroom.

PrEP prevents HIV, yet it feels like the opposite of the prevention strategies I'd learned, in terms of its ability to liberate my desire. PrEP allows me to break down all the walls so I can take active control of my sex life and my bedroom. My ability to connect is no longer bound by the availability of rubbers. Instead, I wear my prevention into every situation—a prevention based in power rather than fear.

But accessing PrEP is difficult. To get it, I, a Dallas resident, have to drive 3.5 hours twice every three months to Houston to get my prescription. Without health insurance, I cannot afford the doctor's visits and lab work run by my primary care physician. The federally qualified health centers in my area do not prescribe PrEP. So the closest access point to me is either Houston or Oklahoma. I've opted for the former--it's the cost of freedom.

Better known as Jai...With the Funny Name, HIV/AIDS educator and blogger Manyonge Jarrett Makokha is a participant in the Greater Than AIDS Speak Out campaign, and the founder of myfunnyname.com, a website that inspires Black gay men.